i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
