I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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