He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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