i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
