I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
