Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
