Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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