Pants 0. Shit 1.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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