Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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