Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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