i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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