Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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