took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
