not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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