I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
