I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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