i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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