My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
