I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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