$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
