I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
