I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize