OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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