He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
