Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
