I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
