So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
