Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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