I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
