I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
