I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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