im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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