i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
