Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
