She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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