I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
