we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
