Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize