i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
