i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
