Kiss
Puke
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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