He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
