1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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