I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
