i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
