and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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