It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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