she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
