It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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