New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
