nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
