He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
