Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
