Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I want to make a zoo with you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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