Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
