and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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