just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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